It’s the way I’m feeling I just can’t deny

On my birthday just under two months ago I applied for a job with the local branch of a London-based marketing tech company. I’d heard of them before and had been eyeing their careers page for a long, long time. They seemed really cool and I like what they’re doing. They’re also immensely successful. I was very excited.

Two weeks later they contacted me, and after three rounds of interviews, the last of which was with the co-founder via Google Hangout – which entirely consisted of me asking him questions rather than the other way around (my research had warned me of this, so I was prepared) – they extended an offer to me last Friday. I wasn’t surprised. After all, the co-founder had ended the interview with, “I don’t have any questions for you. Based on the questions you’ve asked me, you are the right fit for the company.”

So, you know, I was happy, but I was chill.

Then I began to read the words on the offer letter…and nearly fell out of my chair.

It’s not the salary. I knew the salary beforehand. We established their max budget right from the start. It’s good. I don’t hate it. (Read: I love it. Like, a lot.) It’s the benefits package that made me gasp. Two things in particular:

1. 25 days annual leave, you guys. TWENTY-FIVE. I know that is standard for Europe but 14 is typical here. I got 18 at my last job and thought I had struck gold. So to be given 25 without even negotiating…this is the real gold. MORE HOLIDAYS, HERE I COME.

2. After my three months probation they are flying me to visit the HQ. In London. IN LONDONNN. This was not mentioned in the job ad or during the interview process, so I’m truly flabbergasted.

I fell in love with London last year when I went, specifically with the food scene. (What else is new? Hehehe.) So to know that I will be going again at some point this year at the expense of the company? Whoaaa. No idea how many days the trip will be, but already I’m wondering if I can extend it to visit a nearby country. Heh. I have chronic wanderlust; I’m incorrigible. My German friend SV visited me when I was in London and we’ve been talking about me visiting his motherland for a while, so maybe this is my chance…

I start on 22 Feb, so just a week left of my, uh, “vacation”. I won’t lie – I’m relieved I can finally say “I got a job” but at the same time I’m mourning the end of my freedom. You’d think three months of nothingness (since coming back from Ireland) was enough nothingness that I’d be raring to go back to work. Well, you grossly underestimate my aptitude for finding sheer joy in doing nothing. Oh, doing nothing. You shall be missed.

I hope this is it for me for a while. At least three years. More. Five. So tired of finding a good job only for it to turn bad. So tired of doing the employed/unemployed thing. It’s getting old. I’m getting old. It’s time for a bit of stability.

I’m not absolving myself from those good jobs turning bad. In both of my last two jobs, it would have served me better had I been less emotional and passive-aggressive and instead put in a real effort to compose myself and initiated those difficult conversations right from the beginning. Instead there were pent-up emotions that eventually became outbursts. I cringe now thinking about those times I acted unprofessionally. I would do things much more differently now.

It was hard to help myself much at my last job though, after the COO joined. She just never liked me so I could never get anything right. I tried my best for six months but it just wasn’t working. There was nothing else for me to do but go. But still there are a few things I would change.

Would you believe I’m still not completely over leaving that job? A lot of my former colleagues are FB friends so I’m able to see whatever pics they post of their work day (and they do – a lot). I’m ashamed to say I feel FOMO. Less now, thankfully, but as recently as last X’mas, when I saw that they played Secret Santa, I became furious. “I started that tradition! I did!” I huffed to anyone who would listen. As if I’d come up with the whole concept of Secret Santa to begin with. Ridiculous!

I asked my former CEO to be my referee for this new job and he agreed. I jokingly asked him, “Will you only say good things about me?” And he said, “Of course.” Haha. So glad we had that talk two days before I left. It plays a pivotal role in why we are friends/friendly today.

I want to embrace my Best Self. She’s in here somewhere. My Best Self thinks, then acts. She doesn’t react until she is calm. She doesn’t stew silently – she speaks up. My Best Self assumes the good in everyone until proven otherwise. She is patient, kinder, more compassionate. She is more receptive and less defensive to feedback/criticism. And most importantly, she is never late. Ha!

I can’t wait to show them what I can be.

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9 thoughts on “It’s the way I’m feeling I just can’t deny

  1. Hey you! Congratulations on the new job!! I knew you’d nail a good job and it was just a matter of time. 25 annual leaves is awesome!!! I know how excitingthat makes you feel because I felt the same when I saw 24 days in my offer letter hehe.

    Wishing you all the best and nothing less.

    Xx
    Leila

  2. That job sounds AMAZING! Congratulations, you completely deserve it!

    (still squeeing over the 25 days of leave and London trip, omg. Can I work for your company?)

    1. Thanks, JJ! 25 days is perfect for my travel-obsessed self. 😀

      I read that the US has crappy paid time-off policies so if you want a decent amount, you’re in the wrong country. :/

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