Eleven

You see her when you close your eyes
Maybe one day you’ll understand why

It feels different this year. Not just because it’s the eleventh now and no longer the tenth. But because I’m abroad and not at home. I feel even further away from her than ever before. As if being apart for eleven years couldn’t make me feel far away enough.

You see her when you fall asleep
But never to touch and never to keep

I pray every day that she is at peace. I pray every day that she is rewarded in the afterlife for going through the pain she felt. I will never be okay that my mother is dead. But if her being dead means that she stopped feeling pain, then I can try live with it.

I love her too much.

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