Apparently I’m going nowhere


This was me, two Fridays ago. I was in Bergamo, Italy, with MM. The weather was decidedly not perfect – it was cold and rainy and utterly miserable. But I remember feeling supremely happy. My belly was full from the delicious banquet we had for lunch, and wandering the narrow streets led to this spectacular view. Life was so, so good.

And then I got off the plane in Singapore on Monday and was greeted by a shitstorm. Both at home and subsequently, at work. The storm has abated a little but the air is still thick with it. There are solutions; if only they would work. For the moment my heart continues to hurt.

Also, it’s Mother’s Day. The ninth one without mine. (Yes, that does mean that the tenth anniversary of her death is approaching, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.) Her birthday is next Sunday. This is the month she got ill, too. The month of May is filled with landmines. Today I found myself screaming, “I hate not having a mother! Make it stop! Make it stop right now!” And then I felt sorry for myself and screamed even louder.

My mind keeps going back to that day in Bergamo when I was surrounded by this magnificent landscape and not a care in the world. But that day is just a memory now. MM is not even in Italy anymore.

Like I said, my heart continues to hurt…


2 thoughts on “Apparently I’m going nowhere

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