I can see the end but it hasn’t happened yet

A little over a month ago, I heard a song on the radio. I liked it but I was too lazy to Shazam it. I figured the song would play again at some point and I would Shazam it then. Later on, after receiving the news, I found myself recalling the words to the song. I didn’t think I was even actively listening to the lyrics, but there it was, these words, flooding my mind.

Is this my life? Am I breathing underwater?

Exactly, precisely, totally, completely how I felt. Sometimes the right songs just play at the right time.

What was the news?

My colleague DS –

who sits next to me in the office

who “borrows” my stationery all the time and never returns them

who makes me laugh like no other

who makes me angry like no other

who lifts my spirits just by being present

who asks me questions about Islam because he is genuinely curious

who discusses current events and engages me in debate on a daily basis

who likes to tell me about interesting things he encounters on his bus rides and equally loves listening to my commuting tales

who once played the song ‘Mardy Bum‘ by Arctic Monkeys out loud for me when I was being irritable (i.e. mardy)

who leaves his biking shorts to dry on the window frame in the back of the office, much to my chagrin

who farts in my direction every chance he gets

whose toilet destroying habits are legendary

who likes to show me old photos of himself before he lost his hair and says, “Look at how handsome I am.”

who shares my love for Karl Pilkington

who despises Coldplay as much as I do and shouts, “Fuck off, Chris Martin!” every time a Coldplay song comes on the radio

who gets me

who really, really gets me

who is the best fucking person I have ever worked with and who is someone I have come to regard as a friend

– told me that in July, he is going back to the UK. For good.

I swear, it took my breath away.

Is this my life? Am I breathing underwater?

He gave me his reasons. They are very good reasons. If I were him I would leave too. And yet.

Can I tell you a secret? I couldn’t sleep that night. I cried for days. I surprised myself by how badly affected I was about his impending departure. I’ve never had a job I love this much and colleagues I love this much. So for the one I click with the most to be leaving…it’s painful. I never showed any signs of sadness to him though. I only kept joke-begging him not to go, knowing full well it was to no avail.

That was a month ago, and I thought I had come to terms with it whilst secretly hoping he was kidding, or if not, that he’d changed his mind. Aka, I didn’t really come to terms with it, did I? I had, however, relatively calmed down. But today he informed me the date he’ll be leaving.

12 July. Exactly a month from today. I was dismayed to learn just how little a time we’ve got left. It unnerved me. I had to blink back tears. I had to look away. I imagine it would be quite a challenge to blink away my tears when we are sending him off at the airport. I wonder if I should even bother.


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