Yes, crying

This week was hard and horrible and I was sad a lot. And I wear my heart on my sleeve so of course it was apparent to my colleagues that something wasn’t right. At my performance review on Thursday morning, after a night of bawling my eyes out, when AB facetiously brought up how I’ve been grumpy lately, I…burst into tears. OH SWEET LAWD I CRIED IN FRONT OF MY BOSSES. You should have seen the look on their faces. I would have laughed if I wasn’t crying. They were so stunned!

And I don’t know why, but I could not stop. I tried to speak but what came out were just sobs instead. I was betrayed by my lacrimal glands! AM tried to calm me down whereas AB was completely speechless. You see, I always act tough and macho at work because my colleagues are all men and I feel like I have to man up instead of embracing my womanliness – whatever that means. No one has ever seen me in such a state. Most of the time they forget I’m a girl and they treat me like one of the boys (which is great sometimes and not so great sometimes). So I guess, when faced with a blubbering TFC, they simply didn’t have a clue what to do!

We talked about it a little, and eventually I managed to compose myself and the review went on. I have this constant fear that I’m underperforming and that AB might regret ever passing me his business card last year and taking me on but judging from their praises, perhaps I’m halfway decent at this after all. I do hope it wasn’t because I was crying though!

As for what I was crying about, never mind that. The whole point of this post was just to say that I committed the cardinal sin of crying in front of my bosses. *hangs head in shame*

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