And of these cut-throat busted sunsets, these cold and damp white mornings, I have grown weary

Been thinking a lot about what someone said to me last night. Not true, not true, not true. So why didn’t I correct her? But most importantly, what have I said, what have I done that’s led to people making such deductions of me? I am afraid to know what people really think of me.

Sometimes I’m not sure if I like myself. Do you ever feel this way? I feel like I could be nicer. Especially to people on the phone. Less condescending, less demanding, more patient, more submissive. “Because call centres are all disappointing and people are assholes and there is no point having high hopes so just save your anger,” he said to me. “Well, yes, but…” I had an argument. I always do. I always thought my strong point was my assertiveness. But is it too much to be like this all the time?

And he has finally stopped asking.
And he will always prefer her.
And he’s back…maybe, maybe not. Probably not.

This is my song tonight.

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