Home on a Friday night, and not only that but home alone. Couldn’t ask for anything better! I get to walk around braless if I please…and I do. It’s really great.
Actually I did have plans for tonight. I even wore a dress and my Brazilian golden grass earrings (guess who they were from) and my new gold bangles and even my hair was nice and everything. But I really only said yes to this person because I didn’t want to say no, and in the end I used the same excuse I’ve been giving him the last three times – that I was stuck at work and that I was sorry. I wasn’t stuck at work, but I am sorry. I’m sorry for being a jerk. Either I give him a real chance to impress me or I woman up and put him out of his misery. But I can’t decide yet which route to take so I’ve taken the easy route. The jerk route. I’m not proud.
This week at work was a very interesting one. AB my general manager is on vacation, and this was the week we were finally able to move into our new office after a few failed attempts thanks to Singtel fucking up our phone lines and Internet. AB is the cool cucumber and decision maker of the office, and his absence was truly felt. I had to step up on a lot of things, and thanks to the incompetence of people, I lost it several times. It took DS having to state, “You haven’t been in the office 10 minutes and you’ve already had your moment of rage!” for me to realise that I needed to chill out. And to realise that I actually don’t know how to chill out. I allow things to make me stressed, and then I have a freakout, and it doesn’t make me feel any better and the problem still doesn’t get solved. I’ve just increased my risk of developing high blood pressure.
To add to my load, this was also the week our new construction manager, AA, started work with us. He rubbed me the wrong way not one minute from when he stepped in, and the more he opened his mouth the more I disliked him. To borrow a newly learned British expression, he is a mardy arse. A whiny bastard. Kept moaning about his slow laptop and how could anyone expect him to work on a laptop this slow?! It was either that, or “TFC, where’s the pen/pencil/eraser/stapler/ruler/file/whatever?” A lot of our stationery were still in the old office, I’ve been too busy to get them, and I admit I hadn’t bought all the necessary stationery for him also, so yes, my mistake, please accept my apologies, I’ll go get them, shut the fuck up and wipe that smirk off your face.
He asked me for his own stapler this morning and I said, “I’ll buy yours later. In the meantime, use mine,” and the arsehole began smirking and shaking his head and I. LOST. IT. Before I knew it, I was screaming, “Stop shaking your head! It’s coming, okay? It’s coming! Stop shaking your head!” DS sensed my annoyance and quickly changed the subject and that was it. Later on I did get all his bloody stationery and presented them to him on his desk and quipped, “Happy birthday.” Coincidentally it is his stupid birthday tomorrow so he laughed and said, “My birthday isn’t till tomorrow.” My retort? “Well, happy advanced birthday then.”
Another cause of my vexation with this guy…on his fourth day with us yesterday, on his fourth day of getting to know us but not really because it takes longer than four days to know people and even then…he essentially called me fat. Uh huh. The boys were going for lunch, I said okay bye see y’all later, and he asked me if I was coming. I said no, I brought lunch from home. But as I was saying that, he interrupted me, “Are you on a diet?” I said no, I’m not on a diet, I brought— “You should go on a diet.” I raised an eyebrow. Never good when I raise only one eyebrow. “Excuse me?'” I implored. Any person with half a brain would take that reaction as a cue to shut his mouth. Not this one. He went on to explain, “You know, to lose some weight. Ha ha.”
“HA HA”?! Oh no, he didn’t. Except, he totally did. I didn’t want to cause a commotion, so I only said, “Strike one. You have two more and you’re out.” DS said to him, “Please, please don’t get to strike three. I can’t guarantee that there wouldn’t be a monitor thrown in your face.” DS knows me well. You know what the fool did? He laughed. And I thought he gained some self-awareness of my irritation because he softened his tone and asked me to go along with them. Again I said no, I have lunch, go away. Why would I go with them when I already had food?! After they went off I pretty much flew around the office, delivering a soliloquy on people’s tendencies to be insensitive arseholes.
I wasn’t hurt. I was livid. I have high self-esteem. Despite always being a few kilos overweight my whole life, I’ve never really had body image issues. I’m mostly happy with my body. I’m only unhappy when I’m trying to cram these bâtards into jeans. Apart from that I don’t take notice of the extra weight and I feel no pressure to be skinny. Ever. Which is why I’m utterly perplexed as to why people feel the need to make remarks on other people’s weight. And to their faces as well. I don’t care if you think I’m fat. You can call me Fatty McFatterson in your head all you want until you’re satisfied. But to say it to my face…what’s your aim exactly? What kind of reaction do you want me to have? What satisfaction does it give you to tell me that I need to lose weight? And how do you think I will receive your comment? Favourably? Do you honestly think that I will thank you for your feedback and that I will work on losing weight so as to make you happy? I don’t understand.
And remember I said I thought he gained some self-awareness because he softened his tone? I was sorely mistaken. After they got back and before they all went off for a meeting at a place which they were walking to, he said to DS, “We should make TFC come with us. So she can walk and keep fit.” Really?! Again?! In a span of two hours?! It took all the willpower in me not to tell him to fuck off. All I said was, “Strike two! Remember, just one more and you’ll be on my shit list.” He was already on my shit list. The audacity!
You would think that when people go home and evaluate their day, they would recall the dumb things they said or did and perhaps tell themselves not to do it again. AA did not do that last night. For today it happened again! Would you believe it? It was 3pm when I was finally able to eat my lunch because I was so busy. Again, I brought it from home. I took it out of the fridge, out of the microwave, and took it to my desk. We have a pantry area in this office but the tables are not ready yet so I eat at my desk. AA saw me and asked, “You’re only now having lunch?” Yes, I said, I didn’t have time earlier— He interrupted me, “Or is this round 2? Hehehe.” I shot daggers at him. “Excuse me! This is my lunch! My first!” And he quickly tried to save himself by saying, “No, no, I mean round 2 of the day. You had breakfast, right? So this is round 2.” I maintained my sour expression. DS tried to diffuse the situation by asking me what I brought. Fried rice, I told him. “Did you cook it this morning?” he asked. “No, my dad did,” I replied. “Is your dad a chef?” asked the arsehole. “No, he cooks for survival,” I answered. “My dad does too!” DS said, laughing. The arsehole said nothing.
Not long after, he went for his smoke break, and DS said to me, “If he’s bothering you too much, TFC, let me know and I’ll have a word with him.” Isn’t DS a sweetie? I clarified to DS that my feelings are not hurt, I’m not suddenly going to starve myself or make myself vomit because of this guy. I’m not going to try and lose weight because of this. I’m okay with my body, I’m going to eat those cream puffs you bought me, DS (yes, he bought me cream puffs; like I said – sweetie), but not before eating this fried rice. And tonight I will eat my dinner too. His comments are not going to make me stop eating. “That’s good, TFC. I’m really glad. And that’s the way it should be,” DS said.
I continued: but I am angry that he thinks — people think they can say stuff like that to other people and expect them to be fine with it. I can take the hurtful part of it, because I’m too strong-willed to let comments like that bring me down. But that people do it at all…that? I don’t get. Really, what satisfaction does it give them to tell people they’re fat and they need to lose weight? Who does he think he is? He doesn’t even know me. What if I did have body image issues? What if I were a recovering anorexic or bulimic and I had low self-esteem and his comments made me go back to my previous ways? People should really be careful of what they say! DS nodded and agreed with me. He wasn’t trying to justify the arsehole’s behaviour, but lots of construction guys are like this. Very rough. They say what they want and they think it’s funny. AA is one of these guys.
I’ll bet you, now that he knows my dad cooks, he’s going to say something offensive about it. He’s somehow going to find a way to turn that into a negative thing, and I might have to tell him that my mum’s dead, say the very words “my mum is dead” and I can’t guarantee that I won’t cry hot salty tears when I say it. This guy is going to make me cry. Wait for it.
In a weird, twisted way I kind of want him to say something stupid. I want him to make further comments the next time I attempt to put something in my mouth, and let that be when everyone is around, including AM the director of the company on his next visit here, so that I may have a royal outburst with everyone as my witness. And if I do may I remain classy and dignified, and only use the word “fuck” once, i.e. when I tell him to please back the fuck off. But knowing myself I cannot guarantee that. I will drop the f-bomb every three words, I’m sure. Whatever it is, I want to be able to say something and say it clearly enough for him to know that I’m not to be messed with, and that the boys all have my back, they’re very protective of me and he is but a newcomer who is easily replaceable if AM pleases. That if he continues with this nonsense, there will be blood. It’s not going to be pretty, there will be lots of hot salty tears and the boys will probably tell me to take the rest of the day off and everything is going to get real awkward for everybody. But I am damn near begging for him to say something else insulting now. I am dying to put him in his place.
So, yeah. Interesting week this week. Can’t say I’m sad it’s over. Ha!
Plus I go on vacation next week. Cambodia! My first holiday in seven months, and my first since joining the company in April. So exciting! I’ve got everything but batteries for my portable charger. I’ve splashed quite a lot of cash for this trip. Bought my very own backpack (the one I took to Europe was borrowed), my very own duffel bag to put the backpack (backpack very expensive; must protect it), proper walking sandals (needless to say not cheap), and we decided against slumming it too, accommodation-wise. Initially thought about Couchsurfing and I found a willing host with many positive reviews, but I changed my mind and decided to go large, with USD $55-a-night rooms and all. Look at us! Moving up in the world! Haha. I don’t have to wait to come back to be skint. I’m already skint! But when I come back I’ll hopefully have had so much fun, I wouldn’t care.
I’m going with my friend, S. She used to be known as S#2 on my previous blog, but S#1 does not exist anymore in this life of mine (apparently that’s what happens when people get married – they stop having friends!), so #2 moves up to first place. New S and I had a little tiff last year (about the job she recommended me that I unceremoniously quit) but it’s water under the bridge now. We’re cool. So hopefully this trip is drama-free and no one gets abandoned at any train station. Haha!
I sign off from this mammoth of a post with a song I am obsessed with at the moment. I didn’t like it very much when I was first introduced to it two (!) weeks ago, but for some reason I decided to put it on today and then it was all I wanted (and want) to listen to. It’s such a fun song. I’ve memorised the lyrics already. It’s in Portuguese………yeah.